From Harshness to Loving Awareness
For years, the way I spoke to myself was brutal. I picked myself apart with words I wouldn’t even say to my worst enemy. Every glance in the mirror became an inspection, another chance to point out what was wrong with me—too big, too small, too much, never enough. Negative talk became a habit, and the worst part was I thought it was normal.
Somewhere along the way though, I realized I didn’t want to live like that anymore. Motherhood changed me, hardship changed me, time changed me. But more than anything, I started to see that there isn’t just one definition of beauty. There isn’t a single mold we all have to fit into. The world is full of so many different kinds of bodies, faces, and stories—and I finally began to believe that mine was worthy of love too.
People sometimes tell me, “You need to be kinder to yourself.” And I get why they say that, but I think I’ve gone past kindness. Kindness is gentle and soft, but what I’ve found is something even stronger: loving awareness. Kindness says, “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Loving awareness says, “You are allowed to be exactly who you are.”
That shift changed everything for me. I can talk honestly about the parts of my body that used to feel like flaws, but I don’t say them with shame anymore. I can say I have a large nose, short stumpy legs, belly rolls, cellulite, stretch marks, a crooked tooth, grey hairs, big feet, and pale skin. I can list all of that without it cutting me down, because none of those things take away from my worth or my beauty. They’re simply part of me. And instead of fighting against them, I can hold them with love.
The difference shows up in everyday moments. When I catch my reflection in a window, I don’t flinch. When I see a new wrinkle or another grey hair, I smile instead of sigh. When I sit and my belly folds, I don’t see failure—I see life lived. That’s what loving awareness feels like. It’s not about pretending I never struggle. It’s about refusing to let the struggle define me anymore.
And here’s the truth: the way we speak to ourselves sets the tone for everything else. Negative talk shrinks us, but loving awareness expands us. It doesn’t mean I stop growing or improving, but now I do it from a place of love, not punishment. And that shift? That’s freedom.
My body is not perfect. It was never meant to be. It was meant to be mine. And that is more than enough.
These days, when old thoughts try to creep in, I meet them differently. I take a breath. I remind myself of the truth: I don’t have to love every single detail of myself to live in love with who I am. I can hold my body honestly—belly rolls, crooked tooth, grey hairs and all—and still smile. That’s the gift of loving awareness. It doesn’t erase the hard parts, but it lets me carry them with gentleness instead of cruelty.
Maybe that’s something you can try too. The next time you catch yourself in the mirror, instead of tearing yourself apart, notice if there’s even one thing you can meet with love. It doesn’t have to be big. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Just one small shift in the way you speak to yourself. Those little moments add up—and they can change everything.