Needing Help Shouldn’t Make You Less
There’s something quietly cruel that happens in our world—a message that slips through conversations, social media, and even the backs of our minds:
“If you need help, there must be something wrong with you.”
Whether it’s financial assistance, disability benefits, therapy, subsidized housing, food stamps, free school lunches, childcare help, or just leaning on someone during a hard season—somehow, we’ve been taught that needing care makes you less.
Less capable.
Less worthy.
Less human.
And I’m tired of it.
I’m tired of hearing people I love say they live in fear because they need help.
Fear that if they laugh too loudly in public, someone will assume they’re “fine.”
Fear that if they take on a side job, fall in love, or post a happy photo, their survival might be questioned.
Fear of being cut off. Judged. Watched. Dismissed.
People shouldn’t have to perform their pain to prove they deserve to live.
Why Do People Bash Those Who Need Help?
Because it makes them feel safe.
Because it lets them believe they’re in control.
Because if needing help means you’re lazy, broken, or scamming the system—then they don’t have to face how fragile life really is.
We live in a society built on the illusion of self-sufficiency.
But no one is truly self-made.
No one gets through life without leaning on others—whether that’s family money, health insurance, food pantries, or emotional support.
Still, people need to believe that their success is purely earned.
And that anyone struggling must have done something wrong.
It’s easier to say:
“They should just get a job,”
than to admit:
“Our systems aren’t built for people with real, complicated needs.”
It’s easier to point fingers downward than to confront the corporations, policies, and price tags that keep millions of people one emergency away from ruin.
When Needing Help Changes How People See You
And here's the part no one talks about:
You can be deeply loved.
Respected. Admired. The “strong one.” The “smart one.”
But the second people learn you’re financially struggling, something shifts.
A pause. A judgment.
A suggestion you didn’t ask for.
A kind of polite distance that leaves you more alone than ever.
Because when someone they know and love needs help, they’re faced with a truth they don’t want to accept:
It could happen to anyone.
Even someone they admire.
Even someone like you.
And that’s terrifying. So they redefine you.
They stop seeing your wisdom and start seeing your “situation.”
They see you as someone to fix or pity.
They stop inviting you, start explaining you, start measuring your worth against a job title or tax bracket.
And that’s not about you.
That’s about how deeply our culture ties money to value.
Of Course We Wish It Were Different
Of course we wish the world made it possible for everyone to earn a living, no matter their struggles.
Of course we want our children to believe that hard work pays off.
But needing financial help doesn’t make you a lazy pile of shit.
It doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
It means you’re navigating life without the invisible safety nets others never realized they had.
We can believe in hard work and acknowledge that effort alone doesn’t guarantee stability.
We can celebrate independence and admit that none of us make it through this world alone.
A Little Personal Truth
I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it.
That change in tone. That slow fade.
That invisible shift from being seen as “whole” to being quietly categorized as someone struggling.
I’ve watched it happen to people I love, and I’ve watched people I love become the ones who judge.
But I’ve also watched people rise. People build beautiful lives through community, resilience, and humility. People who are more whole, not less, because they know what it is to need others—and to still keep showing up.
What You Can Do Instead of Judging
Check your assumptions. Needing help doesn't mean someone isn’t trying.
Stop asking loaded questions. (“Why don’t you just...”) is rarely helpful.
Offer kindness, not pity. There’s a big difference.
Speak up. When someone bashes people on assistance, say something.
Vote with empathy. Support policies that make life more livable—for everyone.
Remember: You don’t have to understand someone’s need to respect it.
You Are Not Less
If you’re struggling—really struggling—and reaching out for support, you are not the problem.
You are not selfish.
You are not gaming the system.
You are not “too much.”
You’re surviving.
And if someone sees you differently because of that, let them.
Let them wrestle with their own discomfort.
Let them face the truth they’ve been avoiding.
Let them grow—or let them go.
But don’t you dare carry their shame.
You are not less lovable, less intelligent, or less worthy because you need help.
Your story still matters.
Your voice still matters.
You still matter.
People are not disposable because they need help.
If this hit home for you, you’re not alone.
Feel free to share this, add your story, or simply let it remind you that there is nothing shameful about being human.
Let’s dismantle the shame. Let’s talk louder than the stigma. Let’s stand with each other—even when the world looks the other way.
-Ag-